


And All The Hours In Between (Now, Yesterday and Tomorrow)

by Otaku6337



Series: Now, Yesterday and Tomorrow (Harry/Severus) [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, M/M, Magical Tattoos, Not Canon Compliant, Not Canon Compliant - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Not in Hogwarts, Now Yesterday and Tomorrow, One Shot Collection, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Points of View, Slow Burn, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter), battle tactics, can you tell that my tags are all over the place??? probably, just notes and side-stories, snarry, too - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2020-10-03 23:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20461604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otaku6337/pseuds/Otaku6337
Summary: A collection of one-shots for my Snarry 'Now, Yesterday and Tomorrow (If There Is A Tomorrow)'. Character POVs, additional magical theory, author's notes and more - enjoy!





	1. Bringing In New Blood (pre-fic)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there. So, presumably you found this sidefic via my main Snarry story, 'Now, Yesterday and Tomorrow (If There Is A Tomorrow)'. If not, go and check that out!  
This work is a deposit for my character point-of-views, collections of my magical theory, any explanations you guys ask for and bits and pieces that I write that don't quite fit into the main plotline. 
> 
> Without further ado, away you go!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is determined to get Ron and Hermione into the Order Meetings. He really can't be bothered with relaying all the information anymore.

"Look, if I'm old enough, then they're definitely old enough." Casting his glare around the table, the young man focused on Molly. She was the main oppose after all. And whilst, on one hand, he understood that she only wanted her son safe, it was still absolutely fucking ludicrous!

"But _you're _the Boy-Who-Lived. You _have _to be part of all this." Harry sighed in frustration. Merlin, the Order could be incredibly annoying.

"So? They've been through most of those little 'adventures' with me. They're both capable and intelligent, if in different ways. And they're both of age."

"It'll put them in danger! I won't allow my son-"

"Mrs. Weasley, as much as I hate to say it, just being who they are makes them targets as-is. Hermione's Muggleborn, Ron's a blood-traitor, a Weasley. They're both my best-friends. Inducting them will improve their chances of protecting themselves. Maybe we'll avoid another-" his voice caught for a moment, "another Ministry incident."

"Harry, dear, I can see your point, but I cannot-"

"Yes you can. The twins are part of the Order. So are Charlie and Bill. Ron's of age, he should get to decide for himself. Same with Hermione."

"You're being childish-!"

"No, I don't believe I am," there was steel in Harry's voice, and a fire blazing in his eyes,

"In fact, I believe I'm being more rational than you are. Do you want your children to survive this war?"

"Of course I do!"

"Then let them do whatever they can to survive. Including being part of the war effort."

The matriarch finally subsided at this, visibly distressed but seeming to give up on the matter. Observing this, Harry reached across the table to grip her shoulder reassuringly, determination stiffening his features, understanding softening them,

"You know that they'll have as much protection as possible. Just being part of the Order doesn't mean they have to go out into battle. Keeping them part of things here should be enough," Harry took a moment, standing straight once more and glancing around the table,

"Any other objections? Or can they join us next week?" A low rumble of assent answered him.

"Thank you." And maybe the words were laced with just a little bit of sarcasm, but the sentiment was there all the same.

"Hey, guess what?" Ron and Hermione both looked up as he entered. Harry smiled to himself, seeing how Ron's arm was wrapped around Hermione's shoulders. It was good to see the two more settled with each other.

"What?" He beamed at them now, playful, eyes glinting.

"Come on Harry, what is it?" Ron wheedled, a teasing grin flashing as he leaned forward a bit. Hermione simply smiled indulgently.

"There might be two more Order members next Meeting, assuming they choose to attend. It wasn't easy getting them permission, but I know they'll be ecstatic about it."

"Who?" Hermione asked cautiously, suspicious about the lack of information.

"Well, you two of course!" Harry laughed, revelling in Ron's whoop of joy and Mione's squeal. His best-friends were way too excitable sometimes. Still, he wouldn't really have them any other way.


	2. His Belongings (post chapter 13, 'A Rough Day All Round')

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Severus is exposed as a spy, he needs a safe place to stay. And Harry's room has a spare bed.

To be fair, Severus had been half-living in the two-bed room with Harry ever since the brat had commandeered it. In fact, he often crashed in there after a long day's training or a particularly late research session or Order Meeting. But now, without Albus at Hogwarts, his own's home location common knowledge and his position as a spy, or well, ex-spy, revealed, the man needed somewhere more secure to live. And so he had brought his belongings to Grimmauld Place. 

Within a moment of him stepping through the Floo, two trunks in firm hand, Harry was there, arm extended to assist. Nodding curtly at the brat, Severus allowed him to take one of the trunks and followed him out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Only to be led straight to Harry's room.

"I figured you wouldn't mind, and there's not that many decent rooms here. You already kinda use it anyway, so I thought, although I shouldn't have assumed, that it'd be okay, I don't mind if you-"

"This will be perfectly sufficient, I'm sure." Harry promptly shut up, smiled at the elder, and gently deposited the ferried trunk at the base of the spare- of Severus' bed. Severus allowed his expression to soften a tad in return. The idiot brat need not have worried, honestly.

At lunch, only a few hours later, Harry and Molly were depositing the usual platters of sandwiches, salad and a tureen of tomato soup along the length of the table.

"So, Severus, have you settled in all alright?" Resisting the urge to sneer or sigh, he simply nodded in reply, anything he might have said cut off by an obnoxious,

"WHAT?" from Weasley the Sixth.

"You've moved in too, Professor?" enquired Granger, shooting Ronald a quelling look. His scowl was mutinous, but he did shut up, thank Merlin.

"Yes Ms. Granger. Hogwarts was an inadvisable option, so I am forced to reside here for now."

"Oh psh," Harry sniggered next to him,  
"You don't really mind. Twenty-four hour access to the Black Library? Like you'd pass that up!" And those green eyes were alight with mirth. Severus could only huff in indignation,

"It doesn't hurt, I suppose."

"I bet it doesn't!" And the brat was still shuddering with almost-silent laughter at his side. Just down the table, Ronald was squawking in shock and mild anger. Perhaps there were upsides to this whole moving in lark. Maybe.


	3. The Confessions Of A Sixth Year (pre-fic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into how Harry and Severus' relationship began to thaw during Harry's Sixth Year.

The first Potions lesson of the new year was a dreary one, to nobody's surprise, yet Harry was lingering, hoping to catch their professor alone. He'd already waved Ron and Hermione on and was just finishing packing up. Everybody was gone, brilliant! Now he just had to-

"No dawdling Potter! Get out; off with you." Sighing in frustration, Harry left the classroom. Looks like he'd have to find another way to approach the professor.

Accordingly, that evening, before curfew, Harry was wandering the corridors with the Marauder's Map clutched in his hand, scanning the parchment desperately. Where was the Potions Master? He needed to speak to him. He needed- There! Severus Snape, written above a lonely chamber deep in the dungeons. Either his rooms or a potions lab, Harry was willing to bet. He was headed there either way.

Severus turned his attention from the recipe in front of him at a knock on the door. Who on Earth was it? Only Albus, Minerva and Poppy ever dared to visit him, and always in his personal chambers, never here. Still, wand in hand, he went to open the portrait.

"_Potter!_ How did you find this room?!" He yelled, fury evident in both his voice and the darkening of his features. The boy that stood before him was haggard. Skin and bones and bruises beneath his eyes. Shadows everywhere, even in the green pools that should have been so bright.

"I'm sorry for last year Sir. I'm sorry I looked in your Pensieve without permission and I'm sorry that my Dad... that my father and his friends bullied you. _Nobody_ should be bullied. Not ever."

"What a truly inspiring speech," Severus drawled, refusing to display his shock at the honesty in the boy's tone and eyes. Those green eyes, so like Lily's and yet completely different. Nobody could look at the haunted depths in these and compare them to the effervescent young woman in any sense. Potter was already ancient, is seemed.

"I mean it! I- My-" He stopped, breathing heavily, and seemed to collect himself,  
"Look, I need help with Occlumency. Dumbl- Professor Dumbeldore won't teach me and I haven't made much progress by myself, even with books. You're the only person I know. Please Sir."

"And why by Merlin should I?"

"Because else Voldemort could find out that you're a spy?"

"You dare threaten me-"

"No! No, listen, I didn't mean it like that. Not really at least. But the longer it takes me to learn Occlumency, the more likely it is that He'll find a way to access my memories properly. And then he'll know," he added unnecessarily. Severus could only continue to sneer.

"And why should I not simply Obliviate you here and now? You've yet to show any ability or aptitude for Occlumency, or, quite frankly, in any other study."

"Because, Sir, I've got some basic barriers up. I just can't get full shields in place." An interesting claim, if indubitably a groundless one.

"Oh? Allow me to test them then," he offered, tone suspiciously silky. Not unlike a spider weaving its web.

"Fine," the boy retorted, evidently reaching the fraying ends of his own temper. Stupid, volatile teenagers. Severus resisted the urge to shake his head in disappointment. If only the brat was more competent and less... of an immature Gryffindor.

"**Legilimens**!"

Merlin's rainbow panties, Potter actually had some kind of shields. Rudimentary though they were, the elder did spend nearly a minute of struggling through shards of wood and thick molasses-like water before he was entering the boy's mindscape, haphazard as it was. And, Severus was even more surprised to see, Potter had been completely sincere about both his apologies and his contempt for bullying. In fact, the boy had clearly experienced it himself, at the hand of a gang of Muggle boys, one of whom was exceptionally and unhealthily large. Tearing himself from the brat's mind, he nodded curtly.

"Very well Potter. But if you are not putting in sufficient effort, the lessons will stop, effective immediately. Understood?"

"Yes. Thank you Sir."

"Don't return until next Thursday at eight. My office, not here. Now go!" Potter nodded and scrambled out of the room, but Severus didn't miss the triumphant grin plastered across the pale face. It made him look like a teenager again. Peculiar brat.


	4. Severus' POV (post chapter 20, 'A Little Taste')

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus had kissed Harry, had granted the brat one of his two birthday wishes, and had thoroughly enjoyed it. Until all those doubts and self-recriminations crept in, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and bitter-sweet, a little like Harry himself.

Severus had kissed Harry twice now, and he rather thought himself a fool. Yet at the same time, how could he have resisted? After all, who was he to deny the brat? If Harry wanted something, he tended to get it, someway or another. And he had, honest to Merlin, wanted that from Severus. As a birthday wish. Salazar knew why, but he did. Then, the brat hadn’t laughed at him, or been disgusted, or pulled away, but stood there, frozen, looking positively fucking delighted. The nerve! Not to mention how his lips had felt, had tasted. Chapped, yet pliant; a little sweet, a little sharp bitterness. All warmth and shared air, if only for a moment.

For fuck’s sake, he had known this was going to leave him feeling guilty and embarrassed.

Even if Harry was happy about it, even if the brat was mature for a brat, even if Harry had asked for it, how could Severus, a thirty-five year old man, even be thinking a seventeen year old as a… partner? A lover? No, they might not be close to that stage, but it didn’t stop the Potions Master wanting that, wanting to know that he could just go up to Harry at any time of the day or night and have every right to spend time with him, to touch him, to be with him.

They wanted each other. But it wasn’t right.

Yet Harry had been so happy. Had so easily reassured the elder that evening that, yes, he had been serious about Severus kissing him, and for all that the younger flushed and stuttered, his sincerity had been all too overt. Severus shouldn’t be allowing those assurances to temper his guilt, but he was and now all he wanted to do was kiss the idiot brat again. Despite the war, despite their ages, despite all their problems, they still needed each other. Maybe it wasn’t healthy, it almost certainly wasn’t in fact, but it was still a fact.

They wanted each other. They needed each other. And really, was there any more to know?


	5. A Timeline So Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a re-cap of events, along with a time-scale. Does contain spoilers, but only up to chapter 22

OSs - any and all labelled as (pre-fic) - **Bringing In New Blood** \- Harry convinces Order to let Mione and Ron join their Meetings

\- **The Confessions Of A Sixth Year** \- Harry tries to get Occlumency lessons from Severus, or rather 'Snape'.

**Chapter 1** \- 10th July - an Order Meeting - Severus and Harry agree to training  
**Chapter 2,3** \- 11th July - Severus has a series of revelations about Harry - Harry has a realisation of his own

**Chapter 4** \- 14th July - Sev and Harry fight - Harry gets a routine going - Sev vows to help Harry  
**Chapter 5** \- 15th July - Sev teaches some healing - Ron and Hermione get a little glimpse into what Harry's up to  
**Chapter 6 **\- 16th July - an Order Meeting - discuss Harry's 'accidental' magic

**Chapter 7** \- 18th July - Harry and Sev deal with a spell mirror and renovate the basement a little  
**Chapter 8** \- 19th July - Harry takes an impromptu Oath - Ron and Harry fight - Harry moves rooms  
**Chapter 9, 10, 11** \- 20th July - a vision - Sev keeps an eye on him - Weasley the Sixth - Horcruxes - Harry and Sev deal  
**Chapter 12** \- 21st, 22nd July - an Order Meeting - Harry and Sev talk  
**Chapter 13** \- 23rd, 24th July - Sev is discovered as a spy - he and Harry begin to recover from the ordeal of it

OS - **His Belongings** \- approx. 26th, give or take - Sev moves into Grimmauld Place

**Chapter 14** \- 27th, 28th July - some Duelling practice   
**Chapter 15, 16, 17** \- 29th, 30th July - Harry gets his pentacle tattoos - an Order Meeting - begin to plan out approaching werewolves - Harry and his friends talk - Harry and Sev's talk leads to uncharted territory - another Duel - a revelation about Harry's magic  
**Chapter 18, 19, 20** \- 31st July - Harry's birthday - a nightmare - Sev looks after him with naps and reading - things are a bit awkward between Harry and his friends but they get better - presents - a birthday wish goes ungranted - that birthday wish gets granted  
**Chapter 21, 22** \- 1st August - Sev has a nightmare - there's an academic debate that shocks most people - Harry is hiding something - more werewolf planning - Harry and Sev discuss Lily - a Duel causes some uproar

OS - **Sev's POV** of 'A Little Taste' - 31st July/1st August - just Sev angsting 


	7. An Insight Into Instability, Of A Sort   (mid 20s, chapter-wise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As stated, this falls somewhere in the mid/early 20s, chapter-wise. Enjoy!

As Harry shot up, panicking, from another nightmare, he automatically leant into the warmth that was always there at the edge of his bed.

"Hush now Harry. Come on now, breathe for-" But Harry was still cold and trembling, the reassurances fading in and out of his awareness, never constant enough to truly help.

"Harry ---- breathe --- now ---- three, two, one --- brat-" Even as disorientated and panicked as he was, something about that honeyed tone counting down gave the younger something to latch onto, something to begin easing his breaths with.

"That's it --- keep --- Harry-" Butt then the talking stopped and the warmth began to draw away. Helplessly, Harry keened. No, no, he couldn't, he needed-

"Hush now Harry. --- still here," the voice, so deep and measured yet somehow desperate-sounding, returned and the young man grasped towards it, flames and light and cold overwhelming his sight.

"I'm not --- anywhere. Can you answer me? ---- know where we are? Who I am? No? ---- alright. ---- keep on talking then. Hopefully, it'll bring you back, yes? How about I-"

As the voice kept on murmuring to him, kept grounding him, the warmth began to move. One soft line of reassurance - an arm, some distant part of Harry thought - remained against him, curling across his shoulders and propping him up to lean fully against a body. The heat was almost unbearable yet oh-so-welcome. Exhausted and still graced with sleep-visions of darkness and death, Harry couldn't resist drooping his head against that delicious warmth, soaking up unimaginable comfort from the voice's owner.

Unbeknownst to Harry, it wasn't until over an hour later that he became fully aware and coherent once more, finding himself curled up against Severus' side, a protective arm laid around his shoulders to hold him close and secure, the man's voice somewhat hoarse but still reading from a charms tome.

"Sev'rus," he managed, his own throat rough and body stiff.

"Hello Harry," came the oddly soft reply, sore-sounding as it was,  
"Feeling any better?"

"I..."

"That's alright. Don't worry, you've done very well. Think you could go back to sleep?" Harry shook his head vehemently at the gentle question, heedless of the aches that flared up with the violent movement.

"Hush now, that's fine. Just relax, yes? I'll keep on reading for you."

And he did. Despite his voice cracking and fading to less than a whisper, Severus kept on talking, kept Harry pulled flush against him until their normal six-o'clock alarm rang through the room. With that, they gradually moved away from each other, Severus supporting the younger to sit up fully, setting aside the large tome that had shared their laps.

"Alright?" The man's tone was still delicate, almost hesitant, like a hand reaching to stroke a loved but half-feral cat.

"I- guess."

"That shall have to do," accompanied by a slow, softened smirk. Harry forced himself to smile wanly in reply.

"Don't." The blunt statement was the sharpest Severus had sounded all morning. Harry flinched. The elder's face immediately twisted with an ounce of regret,  
"Save them for when you need it. There is no necessity for hiding behind fake smiles with me, understood?" The young man just nodded a little, expression vacant again already. Well, nothing was going to get done this morning, that was for sure. Maybe not this afternoon either.

"Come along Harry, we can come back in here after breakfast, yes?" Receiving a hum in reply, Severus took a moment and allowed himself to reach forward and lightly trace a finger along a pale cheek, then tap just below the rim of the brat's glasses. Harry looked up at this, eyes clearing somewhat, and Severus jerked his head, hair swinging like crow's wings.

"Breakfast," he reminded, and only proceeded once he'd received a nod of acknowledgement. Taking the stairs before Harry, so that if the idiot did something like fall or faint then he would hit Severus' back and effectively have been caught, he led the way down to the kitchen, keeping up a quiet string of words, heedless of his rough voice.

Once there, he guided the younger to a seat with a few subtle elbow-nudges and went to fetch the boy some orange juice, and himself some milk, hoping it would work to soothe his throat. Fortunately, only Molly and Arthur were there already, and the two were deep in conversation, only offering passing 'good morning's, hardly even glancing at the new pair. For the better, undoubtedly. Putting down the chilly glass so that it rested against the curve of Harry's fingers, listless in a half-formed fist, Severus took his own seat.

"Drink, Harry. It'll help. Come on now, that's it, thank you." Half the glass gone, he stopped murmuring to the younger and instead drained his own glass dry and went to refill it. Only seconds after Severus re-took his seat, Remus entered the kitchen, quickly to be silenced by a glare and a shake of the head. Rounding the table, the werewolf could see why: Harry was out of it, looking exhausted and not even half-aware, eyes far away, staring straight through the table, ignorant of the occasional condensation dripping onto his hand from the cold juice. At the same time, Arthur and Molly finished up their discussion, the man pecking her cheek and nodding distractedly to the three before stepping straight through the Floo.

"Good m- Oh, is everything alright Har-" she hesitated, "-with Harry?" The matron cut herself off, brows furrowed in concern, deferring to Severus.

"He will be fine. May I request scrambled eggs for him? They would be easiest to eat, I believe."

"Yes, I should think so. Oh my, does _this_ , whatever it is, happen often?" Severus couldn't help but be glad for her hushed tone.

"Very rarely and he'll be fine within the day, I assure you. There's nothing to be done but to keep an eye on him and try not to startle him."

"Hm. Well, alright then, I'll leave him to you. You'd better look after our boy, you hear?"

"Of course." After a long moment of scrutiny, Molly turned to the hob and began to whisk eggs and put bread under the grill simultaneously, all whilst summoning bacon from the cool cupboard. As such, it wasn't long until a steaming plate of scrambled eggs was sat in front of Harry, along with a fork which Severus pushed into his hand.

"Eat, brat. At least half the plate please, then you can go and rest. Acceptable?"

"Y-yeh," Harry managed, eyes focusing to a semi-normal point as he curled shaking fingers around the cutlery. Still watching the young man with sharp eyes, Severus tucked into his own bacon sandwich, ignoring the crunching of the other two and their toast. At an agonisingly slow rate, Harry mechanically chewed on a few dozen or so mouthfuls, clearing maybe two-thirds of the plate before his hand and gaze went slack yet again. Deeming it sufficient, Severus finished his own meal before carefully getting Harry to his feet and headed for the kitchen doorway. Back to their room.

"Not a word to his friends. We're training."

"Very well. Do fetch me if anything happens." Severus didn't bother replying, choosing to chivvy Harry along instead.

Once back in the sanctuary of their room, Severus guided Harry to his bed, lifting the blankets for him to slip underneath. Once the younger was settled, eyes half-closed, Severus turned to his own bed, ready to set up for research. However he was halted by a choked out,  
"Sev'us!" Immediately spinning back around to look at the brat, he took note of the obvious alarm, of how Harry's breathing was quickly becoming erratic and shallow, dazed green eyes focused with fever-intensity upon the elder.

"Hush now Harry, you're alright. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, we're safe. Take deep breaths for me, one, two, three, that's it, and back out again-" But it did practically nothing to soothe the young man, not even when Severus grabbed his hand and pressed it over his chest, trying to convey deep, steady breathing and his strong heartbeat. Finally, after far too long, this did seem to do something, and Harry's eyes fell closed, his lungs no longer stuttering quite so much. Eventually, Harry began to move, curling himself up on his side, dropping the hand that lay against Severus' chest, only to catch the elder's hand in the process, dragging it into the middle of his huddle, wrist caught in between bony knees.

"Harry..." Severus began, but garnering no reaction, he didn't bother continuing. Instead, he clasped his wand (good thing that Harry had claimed his left, not his right) and set about carefully extending the bed towards himself, so that he could sit up against the headboard, summoned book in one hand, the other remaining with Harry. Hopefully the brat would re-surface come lunch time.

His hopes not did come to fruition. Instead, Harry had slipped into an exhausted, light sleep probably an hour before _'LUNCH'_ rang around. Merlin knew the brat needed it, even if it didn't appear to be the most restful. So, instead of removing his hand from the ball of limbs, Severus resigned himself to casting a Patronus for Remus, softly requesting two portions of lunch, to be delivered silently, or as near as. Knowing that the werewolf would comply, Severus took a moment to finish up that chapter and to ensure that the bedside table, which had been narrowed ridiculously to accommodate the expanded bed, was clear, leaving several books and Harry's glasses to be piled upon Severus' bed. And indeed, within half an hour, there was a gentle knock upon the door. Bypassing any verbal acknowledgement, the Potions Master simply spelled the door open, and swung it carefully shut behind the man who entered, balancing a tray.

"Here you go. Here? How is he?" 

"Resting. He'll be fine," was the terse reply, despite Severus nodding in thanks when the werewolf deposited the tray across the bedside tables. 

"What, no thank you?" Remus teased quietly, before leaving the room. Severus didn't deign to reply, instead awkwardly tucking into his soup one-handed. Harry would stir soon, no doubt. He always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, hopefully this chapter makes some kind of sense. As a little bit of explanation, as this has only really been mentioned in passing before, Harry sometimes disassociates, wherein he experiences some level of depersonalisation and even sometimes derealisation (so basically he feels disconnected from his body and reality, may experience an out-of-body sensation, is incredibly spacey, and definitely exhibits elements of DID itself (Dissociative Identity Disorder), with identity confusion or alteration) However, I have no first-hand experience of this disorder, I've only done research. Additionally, Harry's PTSD, depression and peculiar circumstances (i.e. the pressure and horror of the war, where he often doesn't allow himself to focus on/give in to his emotions that aren't anger or determination) are all warping his symptoms and reactions somewhat. That, combined with how no person or mental disorder is exactly the same, does mean that Harry's experiences will be different from other people's. But still, if there's anything glaringly inaccurate or offensive, please do tell me. I've definitely got more to learn about this!
> 
> Thanks as always guys, Ota. Xxx


	8. Remus' POV (chapter 33)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accompanies chapter 33 - oh, and happy Nearly New Years Eve!

Coming into the library, Remus could immediately smell Harry and Severus, faint but distinct with a commonly-trod pathway. He’d been looking for them for a good twenty minutes now, having expected them to be in their room or the basement. Ah, yes, here they were. In that corner that was always drenched in only their scents, as though it was their room. Curious indeed. Particularly considering that he couldn’t hear anything; perhaps they had erected privacy wards. With some of the matters they doubtlessly talked about, he couldn’t blame them. Ah, the wards had dropped. And there they were. As he came around the edge of a bookcase into view, Remus noted how only Severus was sat down, attention clearly on his book, although his eyes did flicker first to Remus then to Harry and back again. He appeared no more irate than usual, despite the distinct smell of aggravation that permeated the air, along with rapidly-fading sweet contentment and something… progressive, almost. Sour-spicy-sweet. Taking a deep breath, Remus tried to hone his senses. Hm, yes, a closely-bound combination of relief, curiosity, determination and fear. All from both of them, interestingly enough. Perhaps they had been working on an idea for the Order.

“Harry, Severus. Mind if I join you?” Noting Harry’s smile - not entirely genuine, but he’d take it - and nod, Remus set to Conjuring himself a chair, settling it at a perpendicular, purely for the sake of actually being able to see both of them.

“So, what brings you to our corner of the library?” A waft of pleased possessiveness from Severus. Hm.

“Nothing much. I simply wanted to enquire after you, Harry. Dinner yesterday… well, it was a tad concerning in the least, I’m sure you understand.”

“Remus…”

“I think you will find that Harry did make an… inadvisable choice, but that it has been suitably dealt with and an alternative intelligence network is being thought out. Is that sufficient?”

“I suppose,” Remus hesitated, not wanting to push too far, all too aware of how tense the two were,  
“But may I ask, what exactly was Harry doing? Obviously, he was experiencing visions, and he’d taken down his Occlumency shields-” the stenches of anger-fear and shame at that were strong enough to make him want to wrinkle his nose and retch  
“-but what was actually happening?”

“I have some kind of mental connection with Voldie, thanks to the whole trying to kill me thing, plus the prophecy, the brother wands… Fate just has it out for me, I guess.” There were too many conflicting scents for Remus to get an understanding of any of them, but the resignation and disgust blanketing Harry’s features was all too blatant.

“But what is that mental connection based on? Clearly, you had a degree of access to it?”

“Our magic is… bonded is too intimate a term, but you get the idea.” Remus winced, both at the knowledge at the drenching of fear-protectiveness-rage coating his senses.

“Merlin. No wonder…”

“Indeed. Now, if you would, we have plans to concoct.” Harry sniggering softened the older man’s abrasiveness. Remus took to his feet all the same, nodding a goodbye to them both. Lighter, calmer scents were refreshing over the lingering staleness of their conversation’s.

“Must you make it sound so evil, Severus?” He heard as he began to walk away.

“Of course, brat. I am a Slytherin after all.” And the privacy wards had been erected.


	10. Ron's POV (post chapter 39)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron's reflections on chapters 38 and 39. Enjoy!

Seeing Harry in tears, even if he was holding them back, had really hit Ron where it hurt. He’d only seen Harry cry- well, never actually. He’d seen his best mate depressed, angry, happy, tired, but never in tears.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. He’d really messed up this time, hadn’t he?

But when he’d seen Harry so comfortable with the git, in a way he’d never been with Ron or Hermione, sleeping wrapped around each other, it just made his blood boil. Harry had been _his _first friend, his best friend. Sure, there was Hermione now too, and she meant so much to them both, but Ron knew that Harry and he had been each other’s first friends and that was such a big deal. Like, a massive deal. And now here came this grown-ass man, a Death Eater (ex or not) to boot and suddenly Harry was bloody attached at the hip with the bastard.

The bastard who argued with him, but not like when Ron and Harry argued. No, it was different, most of the time at least. Their arguments seemed more like teasing really. Like they trusted each other, understood other. Like they didn’t hate each other. And that just made no sense. Snape had been horrible to Harry from day one, horrible to all of them, and, well. Maybe Harry could forget that in a few weeks, but Ron couldn’t. And he hadn’t wanted to. Still didn’t really, but, maybe he’d have to?

Okay, so he’d been muttering some pretty rough things himself, but seeing the bastard twitch as he fought not to react had been so _satisfying_. Particularly when Harry was obviously annoyed with the bloke already. But then of course they’d made up instantly and it kind of threw Ron over the edge. So, yeah, he started yelling at his best mate. And maybe it was some harsh stuff but still. He hadn’t meant it really. Nor had he expected the Slytherin bastard to jump to Harry’s defence. To be so bloody furious.

Then what had surprised Ron most of all was the almost-_kind_ way that Snape had told Harry he deserved better. Which, yeah, okay, sometimes maybe, but Ron had _been_ getting better. Or trying to at least. So he tries to apologise, because fuck his pride he has messed this all up, he knows that, only for his best mate to run off basically crying. And for Snape to not let at least Mione go after him.

After hearing the explanation for the telepathy, Ron’d cooled down a bit again. When he’d seen Harry in so much pain during that vision-attack-thing it had been genuinely terrifying. And, thinking back on it, things might’ve turned out much worse without the bastard there to help. So he could accept the whole telepathy deal, even if everything about it still grated on his nerves.

Once Snape had left to find Harry, Hermione and Mum rounded on Ron. Interestingly, Professor Lupin and the twins joined in, protective ire filling their voices. And, yes, he’d fucked up. He understood that _now._ Obviously he was gonna apologise, even promise Harry that he’d give the git the benefit of the doubt if he had t- Fine, he definitely would. Yes, he knew that the more people supporting and teaching Harry the better. Yes, yes, he would be better, yes…

Eventually, after nearly half an hour of being lectured, Ron was released and quietly followed Mione and Ginny to the library. Where he sat in silence, trying not to think too much. At least the other two left him alone.

Just to make everything worse, an hour or two later saw the gi- Snape storming into the library and basically throttling him. And- Merlin, okay. Ron _hadn’t_ known Harry got panic attacks. Nightmares, yeah, their whole dorm knew, but apart from sometimes sitting up with him, Ron hadn’t done much to help. What could he have done, really? And trying to avoid certain topics? Well, everybody had tiptoed around things like Sirius’ death, and mentioning the Dursleys was a definite way to end a conversation, but Ron’d never realised that there were many other things that Harry didn’t like talking about. Not like Snape was suggesting there was. The bast- bloke finally left, and Ron was sure his throat was going to bruise, but he was too deep in thought to take much notice.

Fuck it all, he’d been a crap mate. He’d just have to figure out how to fix it.

“Hey, Mione, what can I do to say sorry to Harry?”

\---------------------------------------------------

So, to sum up Ron's POV and character development so far:

Ron is, essentially, a very caring kid. However, he is also hot-headed and hormonal, not to mention naturally a bit jealous and rash. This can manifest itself in what is basically a tantrum, hence chapters 38 and 39. However, once he calms down, the other side of his Gryffindorship turns up: his loyalty. He is, ultimately, devoted to Harry. Harry is the brother he chose, his first friend that was his, the one he chooses to follow into danger again and again. He and Harry are brothers. Nothing will change that.

Yes, they will fight. Case in point, the last few chapters. But also, they will love. They love each other purely, truly, in a deep and unconditional way. He loves Harry just as much as he does Bill and Charlie and Fred and George and Percy and Ginny. He loves them all so, so much. Admittedly, it doesn't stop him getting jealous, because sometimes will always be smarter or stronger or braver or more famous or richer than he is, but he's growing up, remember? Right now, Ron is seventeen. And as a fellow seventeen year-old, albeit one generally considered very mature, I'd say I'm farily qualified to say that the average teenager is fairly unstable at best. So, give Ron a chance. He's got a lot of making up to do, but he's determined to do so.

After all, he loves his brother.


	11. First Things Not Quite First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The very first thing I created for this fic: a series of little snippets, prompts of a sort, along with a sketch of Harry and the first draft of his tattoos. (if I can figure out how to attach it!)

They had much to do: training, planning, recruiting, strategising. And it was time to get to work.

Harry Potter was a Seeker for a reason: if he wanted something, he’d go for it with a single-minded determination, allowing nothing to stand – or fly – in his way. This didn’t just apply to the snitch either.

Potions: the power to kill with a single sip; the power to heal with just the same. Harry wasn’t sure just which way Severus was going to go yet. Because by Merlin, that man was just as complicated and deep as that of which he brewed.

Every sensible thought, every denial, every protest fell to the floor as blossoms from a Sakura tree.

It was beyond outrageous, beyond scandalous, beyond controversial. It saved a dozen-odd lives.

The too prominent nose was merely character; greasy hair merely dedication.

His eyes weren’t black, Harry had the sudden realisation, but the deepest of ambers. (Warm, aged)

As sweet as sin, as pure as night, as loving as death, welcoming his children with open arms. (he had been trained to kill by a master of the art.)

He’d had the same choice as many of them: none.

The tip of the iceberg – the tip of the snake’s tail. Not even Harry knew what it symbolised: his mistakes, his hurts, his what-ifs; his demons, his dead, his enemies. His love.

Identical world-weary sighs.

He could almost feel the man’s every word, every action, gripping his heart in a strangle-hold – a snake with its prey, not to release its victim for all the world or a single moment in time.

There was potential there, Severus mused. Necessity had already crafted the boy (man) into a crude weapon, he need only refine it. And refine -perfect – it he would.

They weren’t so dissimilar really – perhaps more alike than they knew how to deal with.

Pentacles tattooed upon his knuckles – foolhardy, irrevocable. So typical of Potter (Harry).

Green eyes – so alike, unlike his mother’s – holding a haunted depth hers had never possessed. That Severus could do nothing but understand.

An angel’s wings, lovingly embracing all those who’d died – his own personal demons, held so lovingly. (The story, really, of Harry’s life – hadn’t it always been true that those closest to him hurt him the most, even beyond the grave (or Veil, as it sometimes were)).


	13. Sleep Cycles   (circa. the early teens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Probably during the early teens, chapter-wise, we get a little glimpse into Harry and Severus' earlier interactions when it comes to comfort and sleeping.

When Severus groggily became aware of breaths fanning against his collarbone, warm arms wrapped around his torso, his right arm wrapped around a waist, one hand interlaced with his own and two legs resting in amongst his own, he didn’t know what to do. Judging from the vague sounds of movement beyond their room, it was already morning. And here he was, cuddling with the Boy Wonder. Fuck.

Opening his sleep-bleary eyes was quite a task. But not immediately closing them again upon seeing Harry laying peacefully upon them was a greater mission of its own. The young man’s hair was wild as ever, not quite tickling Severus’ chin, but fascinatingly wayward, swaying slightly as the two breathed. The darkness of his locks was charming, particularly as it provided his fair skin a moonlight glow that would otherwise have been pallid. Then there was the fact that the brat was so _warm_. So unbelievably warm. Severus may well have had five blankets piled atop him instead. Although, honestly, Harry wasn’t much heavier, which was a little concerning.

Speaking of concerning, how by Merlin’s rainbow panties had they ended up lying like this? For a start, they were sleeping together. But beyond that, they had no covers atop them, they both still wore day-clothes and the pillows were at their feet. Thinking about it, there was something distinctly and painfully book-shaped digging into Severus’ ribs too. So what…?

Ah. He had been reading to Harry, trying to distract the brat. But they’d both been tired and comfortable, Harry particularly. So, presumably, they’d conked out then migrated. Bloody hell. And, ow, that book really was starting to hurt. He’d have to move.

Going to extract his hand from the younger’s hold, and maybe shift out from beneath the other at the same time, Severus quickly realised that this was to be a hopeless endeavour: Harry’s eyes screwed up a little, one of his legs abruptly hooking itself around very deliberately around Severus’ right. Not to mention how Harry dragged his hand, and the man’s with it, towards his chest. The brat had thoroughly anchored himself to the elder. Apparently there was no escaping. What could he do instead? He would just have to feign sleep until Harry awoke and disentangled himself. Mentally heaving a great sigh, Severus simply passed a free hand through that silky hair, before settling back, relaxing his muscles. Waiting was something he could do.

In all truth, it wasn’t that long after when Harry groaned, eyelids fluttering open. And promptly resisted the urge to scramble off of the bed. Off of Severus. Bloody hell, how- Okay, okay. Harry needed to calm down. What was the last thing he remembered? They had been reading, with Severus reading aloud for him, somewhat embarrassingly. So they must have fallen asleep and- and what? Fallen? Shifted? Yeah, that would be it. Right.

Taking in a deep breath, Harry slowly began releasing Severus’ limbs from his own, until he was simply laying on top of him. Thank _Merlin_ the man was still asleep. Steeling himself, the younger gently levered himself up and to the side, slowly sliding first one foot, then the other, to the floor. He’d gotten off lightly there. Imagine if Severus had woken up first! The man would’ve probably killed him, to say the least! No, as much as Harry had been warm and comfortable and safe, lying there, he couldn’t let it happen again: Severus deserved better than some scrawny, ugly child that was too bull-headed and dumb to function.

Harry glanced down at the peaceful face of the elder once more. The man held no conventional beauty, but by Merlin he still sent a shiver through the teen. Cursing his own greed, Harry leant down to place one feather-light kiss to Severus’ cheek, then left for the door and thus the bathroom, muttering about his own hopelessness. Of course, he didn’t see the Potions Master frown at the self-deprecation, followed by a hand unconsciously rising to cup his face where Harry’s lips had just been. Dammit all, how was the young man so warm and caring, yet filled with such doubts and hatred of himself? It should be Severus that the brat cursed, really. Before they both fell deeper into this hole that they couldn’t help but dig, rather unknowingly, together. Else they’d be buried in it. Of that Severus had no doubts.

He couldn’t bring himself to ignore the waves of agony in his chest at such thoughts. Instead, he curled up in a ball like a child, and resisted the urge to hex something. Life was truly, brutally unfair. And didn’t the two of them know it?


	14. Lyrics To Accompany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snippets of the lyrics from my YouTube playlist that were what made me think - Sev and Harry.  
Genre-wise, there's a real mix, although maybe half is some kind of electronic, e.g. trap or house etc. Beyond that, there's some pop, nightcore, rock and hip-hop. The majority of it isn't mainstream, just stuff I've come across on my YouTube travels. I've added the odd note on my thoughts, but please do comment your own. Enjoy!
> 
> PS: Any grammar mistakes in the lyrics shouldn't be mine - I've just not noticed them to edit them out whilst copying and pasting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna create a really misleading word count, isn't it...?

**Revelries & Rob Tirea - Blue**

Every day is the same old story

Just telling myself that it ain't easy

To keep on giving away all

The beautiful pieces of me

\---

I wasn't sure I'd ever feel again

Been so numbed out by the pain

With just one taste of your kiss

It got me addicted to you babe

\---

I didn't wanna let the love in

But I guess my heart just knew

Blindsided, I never saw it coming

When I fell for you

Out of the blue

\---

No I don't really care about where you've been before

‘Cause there's no denying our energy, yeah

I can't keep pushing you away when

I know that you got what I need

**The Neighbourhood - Scary Love**

**(my favourite cover is Au/Ra's though)**

Don't wanna be alone  
You're too pretty for me  
Baby, I know, it's true

\---

Baby, I got good luck with you  
I didn't know we'd get so far  
And it's only the start

\---

Your love is scaring me  
No one has ever cared for me  
As much as you do  
Ooh, yeah, I need you here, oh

\---

Even better every day, I swear  
Maybe it's a little unfair  
Baby, I'm starstruck by you

\---

Your love is therapy  
No drug can give me clarity  
As much as you do

**Besomorph, Coopex & Riell - Redemption**

I'm a beautiful disaster, a reckoning  
You wonder how I got this way

\---

Can't bear the things I've had to face  
Got you crying on your knees in pain

\---

ou'll break your back to make me feel again  
Suffocate to make me breathe again  
Lose your mind from endless praying  
Somethings never change

\---

They say I should feel guilty and change my ways  
Leaving crumpled bodies in my wake  
Swear I didn't mean to make them break

But they're so delicate and so mundane,

and they keep coming like a moth to flame

\---

Redemption never came

**Trapt - Headstrong**

**(this one is more just Harry's determination? not really Snarry)**

Back off I'll take you on  
Headstrong to take on anyone  
I know that you are wrong  
Headstrong we're Headstrong  
Back off I'll take you on  
Headstrong to take on anyone  
I know that you are wrong  
This is not where you belong

\---

I can't give everything away  
I won't give everything away

\---

I see your fantasies  
You wanna make it a reality  
Paved in gold  
See inside, inside of our heads  
Well now that's over

I see your motives inside  
And your decisions to hide

**TroyBoi (feat. Diplo & Nina Sky) - Afterhours**

Living for the night like it is golden  
Yeah I came to win I'm never folding  
I just wanna dance among the stars  
These afterhours got me charged

** Don't Need Nobody **

** (I don't want to acknowledge that I like a Ellie Goulding song, to be frank) **

I've been too numb to understand  
I'm just a victim of the weapon in my hand

** \---**

But I've been bulletproof, I'm staring at the sun

I was the one you took home  
Never a flame to burn slow

But I was hoping you'd see me a different way

\---

You are the realest thing I've never had to fake, oh

I don't need nobody, need nobody but  
I don't need nobody, need nobody but you

\---

I'm just so used to emptiness  
Can't feel your heartbeat when I'm lying on your chest  
You're different from the ones before  
I know you don't believe it's you I've waited for, for

\---

I don't need nobody, need nobody but you

** 8 Graves - Numb**

**(another Harry song, or Sev to be honest, though probably during sixth year and when they lose sight of their goals, or of each other)**

All I want is to feel a bit  
We could fall in love, you could slit my wrist  
I could tell you now that they both 'gonn feel the same  
I've been wide awake, I've been blacking out  
I've been locked away, could you let me out?  
'Cause I've grown so tired of existing in this cage

\---

Now nothing seems to feel too real (unbelievable)  
What have I been running from?  
How did I become so numb?  
I'm so numb

\---

All I want is a night of sleep  
You could knock me out, I could rest in peace  
I don't mind if I get to close my eyes  
I've been day to day, I've been dying slow  
If you find a way, could you let me know?

**Alter. - Hardly Gods**

** (I adore Alter. okay? and I imagined 'she/her' is Harry, for the most part, with all the painful/trapped metaphors) **

Clip her wings and torture halos  
Off her head for fortune, He knows

\---

They're hardly Gods, Pharaohs  
Glaring down with loaded guns  
Got bodyguards, barrels  
Pointed out at everyone  
Meaning revealed  
Got no reason to feel  
Demons screaming can't deal  
Pray for her, she dead again

Drop dead gorgeous  
Tied up in her cross thread corset  
Fill her lungs with chlorine chorus  
Paralyzed in morphine morbid

**PLS&TY - Run Wild**

**(I was listening to this song for months before I clocked that the artist was 'please and thankyou')**

**(and it's gibberish, I think, like Ska or Scat or whatever the random-syllable genre is, but I like it and the title is appropriate so...)**

**Sick Puppies - You're Going Down**

**(100% a fight song. Bite me)**

Because I'm hyped up, outta control  
If it's a fight I'm ready to go  
I wouldn't put my money on the other guy  
If you know what I already know

It's been a long time comin'  
And the table's turned around  
'Cause one of us is goin'  
One of us is goin' down

I'm not runnin'  
It's a little different now  
'Cause one of us is goin'  
One of us is goin' down

\---

Let's take a trip down memory lane  
The words circulate in my brain  
You can treat this like another all I'm sayin'  
But don't cry like a bitch when you feel the pain

\---

When my fist hits your face  
And your face hits the floor

\---

One of us is goin' down

**Besomorph & Riell - Scream**  
There’s nothing subtle, nothing mild  
Hate me or love me I’ll drive you wild  
\---  
Can’t take for granted where I’ve been  
Went through hell and back again  
Scars on my mind are bruises on skin

I’ll lean on you when times get tough  
When they drag me down, you pick me up  
So let it all go, give it to me

\---

like you mean it

I need to hear you scream (scream out my name)

Like I can’t be replaced

**Jasmine Sokko - TIRED**

**(the single-word answer to our boys' feelings 24/7)**

I'm on my own in the corner  
With these people, I don't know somehow  
It's like a heavy situation

\---

Lately, I just feel so tired  
Not because of my sleep  
I don't like nobody and  
Nobody likes me

I'm tired, of the peacock speech  
I don't like nobody and  
Nobody likes me

I'm tired, not because of my sleep 

I don't think I'm ready  
For the cliché speech

I'm tired, but I can't explain

\---

It's like we're making, all these strangers  
Out of friends and maybe be more

**NGHTMRE remix - Oliver Tree - Hurt**

**(probably Sev towards Harry/in general)**

My day will come, I gave too much  
I sold my soul, I'm waiting for my pay in full  
I only want, your dying love, I've seen enough  
  
I tried but, I don't think so, maybe it was me who was fucking up  
I gave all I could give but, it seems like it never really was enough

I'm sorry if I hurt you  
I'm sorry if it got that bad  
I'm sorry I can't help you  
Somebody should've had your back

**Barren Gates remix - Dutch Melrose - Ride 4 U**

**(I'm obsessed with this song at the moment so hi)**

You're so damn dramatic all the time  
And that might be exactly what I like  
You can't get enough  
Happy pill of love

** \--- **

Crazy is what crazy does  
That's all us  
Cause I think we're sick of the basic  
Little rough, little real, when you taste it  
And I can't stop now  
And I won't come down  
I'm caught in the middle

** \--- **

If loving you means we might lose ourselves  
Then I'll stay with you lost forever  
There's no other way out of losing our minds  
Cause crazy in love means crazy together

** \--- **

Don't stop loving me like that  
(Crazy in love means crazy together)

**Emily Vaughn - Pieces**

**(this could be applied to the Snarry or the war itself, personally I'm more inclined towards the latter but...)**

Pieces, pieces  
And I'm running out of

\---

I put my heart in this shit  
You know that's just how I live  
Yeah, mm-mm  
Wanna give you my best  
I never settle for less  
I got nothing to give, no

\---

Everybody wants a piece of me, piece of me  
Always tryna get a piece of me, piece of me

\---

And I'm running out of pieces, pieces

**Yas - Empty Crown**

There's a war inside my head  
And I'm drowning in regret  
When the lights come down  
Got an empty crown  
My body's missing pieces  
Can't pull it all together  
My body's missing pieces  
I wish I could remember

\---

When the lights come down  
Got an empty crown

**Alter. - Way In Life**

you saved me save my soul  
you showed  
selfless sorrow I let go  
you know  
Tripping off my way in life fell  
Gotta a lot to say to my self  
Settle down ya feeling like  
This feeling might  
Go ahead and take control

\---

Queen of hearts  
Your power pulling  
Teeth are leaving marks  
Admit I like your style  
You took apart  
Every piece I hide beneath my scars  
a need i feed i'm wild  
craving a new taste to try  
you saved me save my soul  
you showed  
selfless sorrow I let go

** Neovaii - Feel You **

All's been said and done, I feel your presence in the room  
All the tables spun, I feel the emptiness of you  
Well at least I feel...  
Well at least I feel something at all

Well at least I feel...  
Well at least I feel you after all

**The Tech Thieves - Be Free**

We're undercover, no way they'll figure out  
(Who we are, who we are?)  
Yeah, we got each other, so maybe they'll let us out  
Come to the other side, they are calling  
They don't wanna be alone, no  
So, what do they make of us?  
No, we don't wanna play along

It's different now  
We can let it out, we are free  
Shout it out  
Let them know we got something to say

Ooh, me, I just wanna be, I just wanna be me  
Ooh, free, we just wanna be, we just wanna be free

\---

What will it take just to see you smile?  
They don't gotta love us, I know just who we are

** NEFFEX - One Shot **

** (another of my favourite artists) **

No fear, I'm standing right here  
Eyes peer, with my mind clear, never look rear  
Only up, never down, off the ground  
Till I'm found, hear the sound, listen to me now  
As the beat pounds every ounce  
Of my effort pouring out, so you never have a doubt  
Do you like me now? Am I good enough now?  
Should I get more loud, till you hear the fucking sound?  
Oh no, I'm losing my shit again  
Having a fit again, man, I'm forgetting when  
I used to have some friends, I used to play pretend  
We all grow up and then, hating my phone and trends  
I'm 'bout to blow my head, nobody knows I'm dead  
Fear I'm a ghost instead, think that I'm close, I get  
Straight comatose in bed, try to go slow with breath  
Breathe out my nose and head, heart doesn't go the trend  
Faster it goes instead

One shot, that's all you got  
Take it right now, before you get lost, yeah  
One shot, that's all you got  
Write your own story, you control the plot, yeah  
One shot, that's all you got  
Could drop dead now of a fucking blood clot, yeah  
One shot, give it all you got  
And never back down, no, I'm never gonna stop, yeah

I know that I'm a little OCD  
The people close to me already know that's me  
That's how it's supposed to, 'cause nobody's perfect  
You need something to work towards that's worth it  
You need something that's worth more, you deserve it  
Find that thing that you love, then preserve it  
If you heading down the wrong path, then reverse it  
Put your head down and, dammit, start working  
'cause we all need a little bit of hope to help us cope  
As we go down this road on our own  
Never knowing where it goes, always wonder if we're close  
Always wonder if we chose the right fork' in the road, who knows?  
You don't, I don't, is everybody stoned? I groan  
'cause I'm sick of mediocrity, where's the quality?  
Everything's about quantity, ironically  
We feed our minds constantly but don't think logically, yeah**  
**

** Nightcore - 365 **

** (I'll be frank, I detest Katy Perry, although not as much as Kylie Minogue. But this song is worth listening to, sickeningly sweet as it is) **

Waking up next to you in the middle of the week  
Never needed anyone to send me off to sleep  
And I know I said go slow  
But I can't hold back no more  
Got a premonition this ain't gonna be a fling

You make a weekend feel like a year  
Baby, you got me changing  
24/7, I want you here  
I hope you feel the same thing

I want you to be the one that's on my mind  
On my mind, on my mind  
I want you to be there on a Monday night  
Tuesday night, every night  
Are you gonna be the one that's on my mind?  
3-6-5, all the time  
I want you to be the one to stay  
And give me the night and day

Love it when you come back and can't take it when you leave  
Got me fantasizing our initials already  
And I wanna just let go  
Falling deeper than before  
Say that you are ready, lock it up in a heartbeat

**Alter. - Dancing With The Devil**

**(yep, it's this guy again)**

****I'm tossing in bed  
Can't sleep in basements  
Lying in the wastelands with love  
It's all in our head  
Fear with frustrations  
Chest bang sensations  
I know  
Tryna isolate  
Send us out of space  
Now I'm from another level  
No I'm not a saint  
Paying my mistakes  
All the angels Wait  
But I'm dancing with the devil

\---

Feeling I'm waken  
Anger misplaced in my soul  
Hung from the Thread  
Clearly temptations  
Not been a secret  
But law  
Find a quiet place  
Blind my escape  
With a gas upon my peddle

No I'm not a saint  
Paying my mistakes  
All the angels Wait  
But I'm dancing with the devil Dancing with the devil  
Dancing with the devil  
Tried to like you 105  
Used to lonely life  
I'm terrified (Terrified)  
Tried to… 

** Nico Collins - Our Way Out **

If only everybody could see you  
Through my eyes  
We wouldn't have to worry and leave it all behind  
I know it isn't easy but I think we need a brand new start  
I'll hold your heart

All of my friends and family  
Keep saying you're no good  
Now that I'm finally happy  
Wish that they understood  
They may be disapproving  
But that ain't tearing us apart  
I'll hold your heart

\--- 

I don't need anything  
As long as you're beside me  
I know that it'll be okay  
We'll be okay

Cuz if it's us  
Against the world we'll fight it  
And win as long as we're united  
Take my hand and don't you let it go now  
We'll find our way out when we are faced with danger  
And eyes that stare at us in anger  
Take my hand and don't you let it go now  
We'll find our way out  
I'm tired of all the hiding  
Unspoken secrecy  
Cuz nothing's more exciting  
When you're right next to me  
I'm captured by the feeling  
Of when you're wrapped up in my arms  
In my arms

I don't have all the answers  
Not sure what we should do  
But it doesn't really matter  
I'm so in love with you  
As long as you're beside me  
I know that it'll be okay

\---

Let's be a mystery  
And leave the scorned and jaded  
Back in our history

\---

Our way out  
Safe and sound

** Zero - Left Alone **

** (Harry and/or Sev before they became truly close) **

And when I hide behind a closed door  
I'm sorry that I just don't wanna know more  
Don't tell me you think I could fucking show more  
I'm anxious and I'm so sure  
That I'm better when I'm left alone  
I know I'm better when I'm left alone  
I said I'm better when I'm left alone

\---

No need for love, I won't suffer  
I don't bleed the same as no others  
So what the fuck you want from me  
People lots of company  
But I won't smile when you sit in front of me

\---

Can read it with the pain draws  
But we were living on the same laws  
But that shit don't matter now does it?

\---

Gonna leave me to grace you  
We need to face truth  
Breathe deep escape you  
Knees weak I made lose  
Off of fucking fate to break you  
But I  
Never gonna make it through the night  
I don't give a fuck about a fight  
And I wouldn't ever win my whole life

So you need to keep the fuck out of my life

\---

I'm better when I'm left the fuck alone  
I said I'm better when I'm left alone

** Egzod - Reserve **

**(very accurate for my Harry/Sev, because sometimes they're all that keeps the other going)**

How do we know when we have reached our limit?  
Rattling up, firing from all pistons

And it seems like you can't go there  
And it seems like you can't focus  
Focus oh-oh  
When you're running on empty  
Don't got no more energy

I'll be there when it runs out

I'll be there when it runs out  
I'm your reserve

\---

How could you know, telling me what you're made of?  
Saying it loud, but you still have not proved me wrong  
It takes more than some gas to start a blaze  
You need something within you to ignite the flame  
Come on give it to me now

I'll be there when it runs out

**YUNGBLUD, Halsey - 11 minutes**

I'm 11 minutes away and I have missed you all day

\---

I'm just thinkin' all these thoughts up in my mind  
I would sell my soul for a bit more time  
You stain all on my body like you're red wine  
You're the fuckin' acid to my alkaline  
You run your middle finger up and down my spine  
I'm sorry there was no one to apologize

I'm so fuckin' sorry, I'm so fuckin' sorry  
I've been playing somebody and it's helping nobody  
And her lipstick arithmetic didn't stick  
And now I'm sick, throwing fits  
And yeah, I've seen you in my head every fuckin' day since I left  
You on the floor with your hands 'round your head  
And I'm down and depressed

All I want is your head on my chest  
Touchin' feet

\---

Tell me what you need, I can make you more than what you are

\---

just want to freeze, I can give you more than what you are  
Now I see you standing all alone, I never thought the world would turn to stone

So call me stupid, call me sad  
You're the best I've ever had  
You're the worst I've ever had  
And that keeps fuckin' with my head

\---

You're 11 minutes away and I have missed you all day

**The Score - Born For This**

**(I'm in two minds for this song, because my Harry begrudges his position somewhat, but it's a brilliant song regardless so here you go)**

I'm checking my vital signs  
Drawing my battle lines  
Going to war again  
Feeling the rhythm inside of my chest  
All I need is just a pen  
I know I was born for this

\---

A force that they can't stop  
They just don't get it, I think they forget  
I'm not done till I'm on top  
I know I was born for this

\---

We are the warriors, who learned to love the pain  
We come from different places but have the same name  
'Cause we were born for this  
We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame  
Watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame

\---

I've struggled for years and  
Through all of the tears  
I've faced the doubts I hide  
I never gave into my fears deep within  
'Cause I heard my voice inside

\---

The moves that you make ya they come with mistakes  
Don't ever lose your hope  
Just know, you were born for this

** royal & the serpent - Weddings & Funerals **

** (this will fit better post-War (is that a spoiler? meh), but...) **

Feeling like my soul's been gravity bound  
And I got the city weighing me down  
I don't wanna waste life waiting around  
For weddings and funerals

Used to be scared of dying alone  
Now I know there's nothing to be afraid of  
I don't wanna waste life waiting around  
For weddings and funerals

**Rival x Max Hurrell - Demons**

**(This goes well with Lily's death, for both of them in a sense)**

Life's a pill that’s hard to swallow  
All my demons scream the echos  
And I'm cleaning blood off a bathroom wall  
A fractured heart and a shattered soul  
Lays there next to hers

Are you alive or just breathing?  
Is it living when your dreaming?  
I'll be gone  
And karma will leave a note  
Are you alive or just breathing?  
Does god know it when you’re kneeling?  
Cause when I'm gone  
When I'm gone  
I hope you can see ghosts

Dead asleep you're seeing shadows  
Revenge is awake under your pillow  
I sense your fear crawling down your back  
I'm the haunting past in a shade of black  
I lay there next to her

\---

You're the only one that's worth the pain  
I'm not afraid anymore  
Oh I hope  
I hope you can see ghosts

** Three Days Grace - Time Of Dying **

On the ground I lay  
Motionless in pain  
I can see my life flashing before my eyes  
Did I fall asleep  
Is this all a dream?  
Wake me up  
I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)  
I will survive

I will not die I'll wait here for you  
I feel alive when you're beside me  
I will not die I'll wait here for you  
In my time of dying

On this bed I lay  
Losing everything  
I can see my life passing me by  
Was it all too much  
Or just not enough?  
Wake me up  
I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)  
I will survive

**LAYNE - Good**

You're the fog that cloaks the evergreens  
You're the rain that my small skylight needs  
When I'm in between the noise and sleep  
You're the vast when I feel nothing at all  
  
I feel better in the dark  
I feel better when the lights are off  
I feel better  
  
Cause everything feels good when you come around  
Feels just like it should when you come around  
I feel better

\---

I'm the mess you are the symmetry

\---

I love you think my hell's so heavenly

\---

Cause you feel better in the dark  
You feel better when the lights are off  
You feel better in the dark

\---

If I decide to strive  
Despite what they argue  
Don't fight this light won't die  
If you're right where I want you  
  
I feel better in the dark  
I feel better when the lights are off  
I feel better

\---

Cause everything feels good when you come around  
Feels just like it should when you come around

** Jaymes Young - Don't You Know**

**(I love both the nightcore and originals of this but I think the playlist one is the nightcore? just for the pic to be honest)**

I've been walking in the moonlight looking for you  
I got nobody but my shadow to give me through  
So put your lips on my scars and teach me to love  
Give my slow heart the rhythm of a blood drum

I don't want you to go  
I need more of you in my life  
Nobody should be alone  
Please let me take you home tonight

Oh, don't you know that I  
Don't you know I want you so bad  
And every night I call for you

Don't you know that I  
Don't you know I want you so bad  
I'd do anything to touch you

Don't you know that I  
Don't you know that I'm going mad  
And in the moment I fall for you

Don't you know that I  
Don't you know I want you so bad (so bad)  
I'd do anything to love you

Take a look at these mountains I'm moving for you  
I'm gonna light the dynamite, I'm gonna break through  
'Cause I know all the ways to appreciate your design  
I'm a damn good lover, shivers up your spine

**CYN - Only With You**

**(This is another original versus nightcore. The latter is more fun to try and sing along to, but the former is prettier, for me at least)**

I lose in my mind that I don't see anymore  
'Cause you're not with me all the time  
Looking up at stars, I need you right at the door  
Instead of racing through my mind

I didn't not know yet  
Just how I would get  
Distance makes me wonder  
Playing this game  
Of matter and space  
Say it will bring us closer

I don't want anything to do with anyone but you  
Only with you

**Florence & The Machine - Hardest Of Hearts**

**(because the love between Harry and Sev hurts. it truly hurts)**

There is love in your body but you can't hold it in  
It pours from your eyes and spills from your skin  
Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks  
And the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts

\---

There is love in your body but you can't get it out  
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth  
Sticks to your tongue and shows on your face  
That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste

Darling heart, I loved you from the start  
But you'll never know what a fool I've been  
Darling heart, I loved you from the start  
But that's no excuse for the state I'm in

The hardest of hearts

\---

There is love in our bodies and it holds us together  
But pulls us apart when we're holding each other  
We all want something to hold in the night  
We don't care if it hurts or we're holding too tight

There is love in your body but you can't get it out  
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth  
Sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face  
That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste

\---

My heart swells like water at work  
Can't stop myself before it's too late  
Hold on to your heart  
'Cause I'm coming to take it

** Sam Tinnesz - Sound Off The Sirens **

Trouble is closing in  
I can feel the ground trembling  
shivers on my skin  
if you shut your eyes, better hold em tight

I hear a roll of thunder  
fear tryin to take us under  
it's shaking everything now  
sound off the sirens  
we're in the fire  
sound off the sirens  
it's do or die

\---

bang there goes the sky  
shots ring out in the dead of night  
tension in your eyes  
cause we all know what's on the line  
I hear the steps that follow  
their closing in the shadows  
too far to turn around  
sound off the sirens  
we're in the fire  
sound off the sirens  
it's do or die

**FLOODS - Badtimes**

Lost the air in our lungs to a smoke filled room  
Now hotel lobbies and these songs remind me of you make your dark bleed black  
While you’re gripping at my waistline  
Act like we don’t know while we whitewash the last time  
You crack like ice but you’re never cold you stole my sight now I’m seeing gold never getting old  
Twisting my lips when it hits  
Is it as good as it gets?  
  
Oh I’m tripping on the badtimes with you

** Three Days Grace - Riot**

**(this song is just majorly satisfying to scream-shout when you're upset. I guess it kinda works for the war but I just picture harry seemingly cooking calmly, but then just starts screaming this as he works, movements and expression still steady and tranquil, but voice fuckin raw with emotions)**

If you feel so empty  
So used up, so let down  
If you feel so angry  
So ripped off, so stepped on  
You're not the only one  
Refusing to back down  
You're not the only one  
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot

\---

If you feel so filthy  
So dirty, so fucked up  
If you feel so walked on  
So painful, so pissed off  
You're not the only one  
Refusing to go down  
You're not the only one  
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot

**Bohnes - 12 Rounds**

Set fire to the roses on my grave  
It's not my time, my soul ain't yours to take  
I'm coming home, I've got some things to say  
My gloves are on and my shoes are almost laced, laced

When the reaper comes knocking at my door  
We'll be going 12 rounds  
Tell the Devil I'll be coming back for more  
We'll be going 12 rounds

I'm drowning all these voices in the sea  
And meeting all my vices in the ring  
So step inside, I ain't afraid to bleed  
There ain't a casket strong enough for me, me

\---

'Cause I fight for everything I die for  
Everything I bled onto the ground sacrificed for  
When the reaper comes knocking at my door  
(Whoa) We'll be going 12 rounds

I'm black and blue, my back's against the ropes  
Your hands around my neck, but I won't choke  
My heart is strong, my veins are paved with hope  
And when I stand up your bones will all be broke, broke

**Jacob Lee - Oceans**

I learnt to let go when I was younger  
Scared of growing old  
I would swim far into the ocean  
And try to stay afloat  
Until my lungs would cough up water  
And sand would coat my bones, and I hope  
That someday I'll open up the floodgates

\---

I feel worthless  
Maybe I should open the drawer  
Burn the pages  
Write poems with the ash on the floor  
Pour the ink, into the sink  
And watch it drain from the shore

I don't want love no more  
Though it's the one thing I've been searching for  
Though it's the one thing that I miss the most  
Now I'm afraid to be alone

I learnt to grow old when I was younger  
Scared of staying young  
Afraid of the thoughts that I had conjured  
That sat atop my tongue  
Knowing I'd change the worlds opinion  
If they would just, listen up  
But they won't, now

\---

Looking in the mirror like  
Maybe I will find myself tonight  
I ask for a better mind  
Then tap into the sight through my third eye  
I had never realized  
I thought I had a chosen my design  
I thought I was broken all this time

I don't want love no more  
Though it's the one thing I've been searching for

**G-Eazy & Halsey - Him & I**

Cross my heart, hope to die  
To my lover, I'd never lie  
He said "be true", I swear I'll try  
In the end, it's him and I  
He's out his head, I'm out my mind  
We got that love, the crazy kind  
I am his and he is mine  
In the end, it's him and I, him and I

\---

Wouldn't see the point of living on if one of us died, yeah

\---

Crazy, but I love her, I could never run from her  
Hit it, no rubber, never would no one touch her  
Swear we drive each other mad, she be so stubborn  
But, what the fuck is love with no pain, no suffer  
Intense, this shit, it gets dense  
She knows when I'm out of it like she could just sense  
If I had a million dollars or was down to ten cents  
She'd be down for whatever, never gotta convince (you know?)

\---

We turn up, mobbin' 'til the end of time  
Only one who gets me, I'm a crazy fuckin' Gemini  
Remember this for when I die  
Everybody dressed in all black, suits and a tie  
My funeral will be lit if I  
Ever go down or get caught, or they identify  
My bitch was the most solid, nothing to solidify  
She would never cheat, you'd never see her with a different guy  
Ever tell you different, then it's a lie  
See, that's my down bitch, see, that's my soldier  
She keeps that thang-thang if anyone goes there  
Calm and collected, she keeps her composure  
And she gon' ride for me until this thing over

**Noe - In The Dark**

**(The 'e' is meant to have an accent but uhm how on a laptop? yes, I could've just copied it but I didn't think of that until later and i'm not looking up the lyrics again, they were a pain to find the first time --- the song itself is 100% aimed at Voldie, from Harry, but in a modern dance AU -- yes I just like the song)**

You've got pockets full of rage and your finger's out to blame

You aim for praise

You crave to see your name on the front page

You know we'll never lay the red carpet

So you lay it down yourself

\---

But take a look around

You can hit us all you need but we'll never claim defeat

You can't bring us down

You'll never get us off our feet

So Don't expect any final bows

We won't let you win the crowd

Clear out the battlefield

All these hearts you took

We still dance on in the dark

But you weren't born this way

So tell me how d'you lose it

Did you miss the love of a mother

Why'd you get along better with your hate on

Give it up give up the run

Give it up give up the gun

**Besomorph & Riell - Who Am I**

Give me strength and gratitude

Tell me what it is I can ask of you

Tell me what it is that I can’t see

\---

You’ve given us a glimpse of paradise

You’ve given us a glimpse of what will be our sweet demise

You’ve given us everything and nothing at all

\---

I’m falling apart at the seams, I can’t deny

I’m losing grip of what I thought I knew

Oh I’m losing it, I’m losing it for you

**So, these aren't all of the songs but it was getting ridiculous and it took me like two hours to find the lyrics and try to format them even slightly coherently. Hope you guys enjoy some of these songs! Ota - xxx**


End file.
